


Wandering Thoughts

by Bell_Flower



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Slow Burn, They get together at 17, awkward teenage boys being idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:42:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28967025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bell_Flower/pseuds/Bell_Flower
Summary: Eren wasn’t good at handling emotions, especially those he couldn’t understand. He really couldn’t understand why his thoughts kept wandering to his rival, Jean Kirstein, at the most awkward moments.Companion fic to my Mikannie story, Lonely Hearts. (You don’t need to read that to read this.)
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart, Referenced Eren/Mikasa
Comments: 50
Kudos: 167





	1. Introductions

High school was going to suck. After years of playing together and sharing classes together, Mikasa was being sent away to an all girls boarding school and Armin was going to be in advanced classes, leaving Eren in the regular classes for those that were woefully average and dull of mind. Eren wasn’t stupid but he had a hard time concentrating and tended to do better with physical activity than academic.

Basically, his best friends weren’t going to be around as much and Eren had a hard time making friends, mostly due to his volatile and passionate personality, which tended to be overwhelming for most people.

Eren slammed his locker shut, sighing deeply as he headed off to his first class. He may not have been particularly paying attention to where he was going and he may have bumped into someone else, knocking their books out of their hands.

“What the hell? Look where you’re going!” The other boy yelled, causing Eren to be shaken from his thoughts, violently brought back to reality. Perhaps it was the culmination of his loneliness and frustration at being left on his own or perhaps it was something about the stranger’s face that pissed him off. That long, sharp jawline and those golden hazel eyes that flashed with annoyance. Maybe it was also that stupid two toned undercut hair or the piercings going up his ears. He was taller than Eren too, his form long and lanky.

Eren may have been staring a touch too long before his brain caught up enough to reply. Eren wasn’t good at handling emotions, especially those he couldn’t understand. “You fucking watch where you’re going!” Eren shouted in return, knowing that they were receiving stares.

Those golden hazel eyes narrowed and he shoved Eren into the lockers. “What’s your problem? You ran in to me!”

Oh yes, that was the perfect opportunity for Eren to let his frustrations run free. He shoved back even harder, causing him to stumble back. It was such a stupid thing to get in a fight over and if Mikasa and Armin were there, they would have stopped him but they weren’t so Eren started his first fight on the very first day of his freshman year.

He doesn’t exactly remember how it transpired, only that fists went flying and Eren was sporting a black eye when he was in the principal’s office and the other boy, Jean, had a bloody nose. Jean sent him death glares around the bloody cloth he was holding to his nose and Eren returned them with his good eye that didn’t have an ice pack pressed to it.

————

“Eren! Why are you always starting fights?” Carla grabbed her son’s face when he arrived home, the bruises definitely turning dark and pronounced on his tanned skin.

“I don’t always _start_ them.” Eren mumbled, face scrunching in annoyance.

Carla gave him a look of exasperation. “You don’t have to finish them either. Why can’t you make friends instead?”

“I have friends.”

“Two friends.”

“That’s enough.” Eren shrugged, perfectly fine with being the weird loner kid. He only needed a few friends and he was fiercely loyal to them. Even if they didn’t share the same classes, he knew Armin would come over every day to help him study because Armin knew Eren was easily distracted.

Carla sighed, releasing Eren’s face and moving back to chopping vegetables for dinner. “What am I going to do with you?”

Eren moved past her to get a sofa from the fridge before retreating to his room. His phone lit up with a FaceTime notification and he opened it up to see Armin and Mikasa on the screen.

“Hey.” He greeted, already prepared for the scolding he would get from Mikasa.

“Eren, what happened to your face?” Mikasa gasped, eyes going wide.

“He got in a fight already.” Armin answered, rolling his eyes. He used to be more thankful for Eren’s willingness to get into fights when he was chasing off bullies for Armin but that hadn’t been as much of an issue lately and Eren still kept picking fights. “I told him he needs counseling for his anger management.”

“Who hit you?” Mikasa demanded, tone lowering to something dangerous, as if she was going to come back from boarding school just to avenge Eren.

“Just some idiot. Don’t worry about it.” Eren shrugged and sat down at his desk chair in front of the computer, idly spinning around. “How’s Sina Academy?”

Mikasa scowled, clearly already in a sour mood. “Awful, I miss you both. I met a girl though, she seems alright.”

“Oh? Is she nice?” Armin asked, perking up. “Maybe you can make some friends there too.”

“She’s... pretty cool.” Mikasa ducked her head and they could’ve sworn a hint of pink dusted her cheeks.

“I hope we get to meet her.” Armin smiled pleasantly. Eren was still in a bad mood so he just made a small grunt of agreement before sipping on his soda. All of his friends would make new friends without him.

“Armin, come over.” Eren whined, pouting. “Before my dad comes home and grounds me for eternity.”

“Fine, fine, but I have homework.”

“Already? It’s the first day.”

Armin sighed, shaking his head. “I’m in the advanced classes so they’re starting right away.”

“Have fun, you guys.” Mikasa sounded like she was sulking because she was going to school four hours away and wouldn’t see them until Winter break.

“Miss you too, Mikasa.”

————

As it turned out, Eren shared quite a few classes with Jean, so he saw him every single school day. Their fight inspired a rivalry between them, one which caused them to hurl insults back and forth and shoot spit balls at each other and occasionally body slam each other into lockers.

Their classmates started to expect their daily arguments over stupid things and perhaps after some time Eren was just doing it because he was bored and it broke up the day. They didn’t usually fight hard enough to get pulled back to the principal’s office but it was enough to draw attention.

Gym class was the worst, the combination of sports incurring a natural draw towards competitive tendencies and sweat and mud and the absolute need for public showers.

Eren and Jean had been on opposite teams and gone hard, kicking the ball back and forth to their teammates but ultimately it ended up with Eren pinning Jean down in the muddy field, pulling on Jean’s hair while the gym teacher, Levi, shouted at them to let go of each other.

“I hate you.” Jean spat at Eren as they headed into the locker room. Eren glowered at the taller boy in return.

“Likewise.”

“You two really need to stop.” Jean’s friend, Marco, said. He was a really amiable guy so it was beyond Eren’s comprehension why he was friends with Jean. Then again, he assumed the same could be said of him and Armin.

“I’d like to, but that bastard keeps starting shit with me.” Jean grumbled, pulling his muddy shirt over his head and throwing it in his locker. Eren was caught off guard, still watching Jean when he started to undress. Jean wasn’t exactly jacked or anything, he was on the skinny side, but there was muscle definition visible under his pale and smooth skin. Eren felt his face heat up, a sudden wave of something hot and visceral rolling through his belly and curling lower.Eren immediately turned on his heel and fumbled at his locker, heart pounding in his chest and making him feel dizzy.

What in the ever loving fuck was that?

It’s not as though Eren spent much time thinking about his sexuality, he just sort of lived in the moment and could recognize when someone was attractive. He knew Mikasa was gorgeous and Armin was really cute but when it came to actually liking anyone, well, as a potential love interest, he hadn’t really had a defining moment like that before. But really, the first time he was getting hot and bothered for someone was that horse faced jerk? He huffed in annoyance.

No, it had to be some sort of hormonal teenager phase where his body reacted to weird stuff.

“Eren, what’s up with your face?” Connie asked, glancing over as he moved to the locker next to Eren’s.

Eren panicked, hiding as much of himself in the locker as possible. “Just still out of breath from the game.”

“More like your foreplay with Jean, but sure.” Connie snickered at his expense.

Eren was mortified because he could practically feel the eyes on his back. He knew Jean was watching him too.

“Yeah, we all know you can’t keep your hands off each other.” Reiner piped up as well, snapping a towel against Eren’s backside as he passed. Eren jumped in response, the fear flashing in his eyes because he didn’t want the attention aimed on him, he didn’t want their suspicions.

“Fuck off, both of you.” Jean growled, throwing a towel over his shoulder. He headed towards the showers without a second thought about the teasing.

Eren felt panicked though because he couldn’t go into the showers. His heart still pounded and he gripped the locker door and felt his stomach churn. He suddenly felt the burn in the back of his throat and turned, throwing up right next to Connie.

“What the hell?” Connie cried out, jumping backwards.

————

Eren spent the next few days out from school, stewing in his own destructive thoughts at home. He was pushing the incident so far down in the back of his mind that it was like the dirty clothes he shoved in his closet when he was told to clean his room, out of sight and out of mind.

His mother started showing him how to knit scarves so he could make one for Mikasa and Armin for Christmas, since she claimed that handmade gifts were better than store bought any day. He made a deep red one for Mikasa and a sky blue one for Armin.

They came out a bit lopsided and uneven but Carla insisted that his friends would love it so Eren wrapped them up in preparation for the holiday. He was looking forward to Mikasa visiting from school.

The days leading up to Christmas, Eren completely ignored Jean and the two barely spoke or looked at each other. He felt like he was just going through the motions and some of his school mates even asked what was up but Eren just shrugged them off.

By the time winter break was there, Eren and Armin snuck over the fence surrounding the Azumabito property and Mikasa let them into her room. Mikasa lived with her grandmother, Kiyomi, in a Japanese style house a few houses down the street.

She had brought along her new school friend, Annie, and though Armin got along with her easily, Eren was a lot more on edge. It wasn’t just her default resting bitch face that was unnerving, but she was startlingly close to Mikasa after only half a school year with her.

She turned out to be pretty cool though, she taught Eren some martial arts moves she had learned, her skills at combat surpassing Eren’s, which really impressed him. He filed the moves away under things to use on Jean if he ever got the courage to fight him again.

Eren invited her to come along to his house for Christmas Eve too, since the Yeager household was like a second home for Mikasa and Armin and it seemed like Annie had become part of their group due to her closeness with Mikasa.

Eren gave the scarves he knitted to his friends and Armin had smiled, thanked him for putting so much effort into his gift but Mikasa had wrapped it around her neck and refused to take it off. Eren knew how ugly it was so he was touched that she seemed to treasure it so much.

Annie had given Mikasa a silver locket with a beautiful lotus flower design imprinted on it and on the inside was a picture of her parents and a picture of Armin and Eren.

“Now you can always have them with you.” Annie said, glancing through her bangs at Mikasa. Eren was pretty sure Annie was in love with Mikasa at that point.

Mikasa started to tear up, probably from a combination of seeing a picture of her parents who had died in an accident five years ago or the fact that she had just received such a thoughtful gift. The two girls hugged and Eren watched them, slightly envious of how easily they could get along.

He spent the last few days before school started up again knitting another scarf. His mom asked who it was for and Eren just blushed and stuttered that it was for a friend. Carla smiled knowingly, ruffled his hair.

“Oh, what’s her name?”

Eren ducked his head, refusing to answer. She didn’t pry any further, assuming that Eren was too shy to say anything.

He got to class before anyone else and placed the gift on Jean’s desk, just the forest green scarf with a simple note that said “I’m sorry” pinned to the front. He had to admit that the third try was definitely more normal looking and maybe Jean wouldn’t immediately throw it out.

Eren watch Jean enter the room a few minutes later with Marco by his side. He stopped short at the sight of the gift, reading the anonymous note before picking up the scarf.

“Oh, who is that from?” Marco asked curiously.

“It didn’t say.” Jean answered, inspecting the scarf. There were a few other students in class already but those hazel eyes briefly flicked up towards Eren. Eren ducked behind a textbook, trying to hide his face.

“Maybe a secret admirer?” Marco guessed, also glancing over in Eren’s direction.

Jean frowned, unsure of what to make of that. “Yeah, I guess. Looks like shit though.”

Eren’s shoulders tensed at the insult, his hands clenching into fists. What an asshole.

He may have spent the rest of class internally fuming and he definitely bumped a little too roughly into Jean in the hall when they passed by each other later in the day.

————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first Erejean fic and it’s pretty stereotypical but I am writing this as a companion fic to my Mikannie fic, Lonely Hearts, so if you read that then you will have an didea of what’s coming. You don’t have to read that to enjoy this fic though. 
> 
> Hopefully you will enjoy it. Comments and feedback appreciated are always appreciated.


	2. Firsts and Failures

The remaining part of the school year passed in a blur. Eren didn’t pick as many fights with Jean, the ill received scarf still a bit of a sore subject, but Eren was trying to be more civilized. Maybe a part of him sort of wanted to be friendlier with Jean but he just didn’t know how to let him know, so he just didn’t bother.

Eren attempted to get friendly with his other classmates too and they weren’t bad and Eren felt less and less like an outsider the more he spent time with them.

By the time summer rolled around, Eren was anxious to hang out with Mikasa and Armin all summer like they did when they were kids. They weren’t kids anymore though. Armin enrolled in a special summer program like a nerd and that left Mikasa to spend most of her time with Eren. Eren was like a third wheel though because Mikasa was on the phone with Annie every day, texting or FaceTiming each other.

Eren was ready to pull his hair out.

He decided to meet Connie and his girlfriend Sasha one day at the arcade just to get away from Mikasa and Annie’s thinly veiled flirting and Eren sort of wished he wasn’t going to be around another couple but Connie and Sasha were more goofballs than anything and it lifted his spirits. What other couple would stick straws up their noses and try to toss tater tots in each other’s mouths then challenge each other to a duel with foam swords they won from copious amounts of gaming?

Eren finished the shooting game he had been playing with decent scores and ran up to grab something from the snack stand when he noticed Jean sweeping up discarded wrappers and crumbled tickets. “Jean? I didn’t know you worked here.” Just great, even his summer wasn’t free of the horse face.

Apparently Jean felt the same because he scowled at the sight of Eren, shoulders tensing. “You don’t know anything about me, you’re too busy shoving me into lockers to ask me anything.”

Those words struck Eren suddenly and he shifted uncomfortably. Jean was right, he didn’t know anything about him and the way Jean described Eren made him seem kinda like a hotheaded bully. Sometimes Jean provoked him though, so that wasn’t completely fair.

He had a hard time saying an apology in person, so Eren just stood there, looking like an idiot.

“My mom needs help paying the bills so I work anywhere that will hire high schoolers.” Jean said after the awkward silence stretched on too long.

That was right, Jean’s parents were divorced and Jean lived with his mom. Eren stuffed his hands in his pockets and found a couple dollars that he shoved into the tip jar at the snack stand.

Jean watched him and snorted, putting his broom aside. “I don’t need your charity.”

“It’s not charity. You’re going to give me some skittles and you’re going to do a damn good job of it.” Eren replied, hoping that Jean would just shut up and let him attempt to be nice. Jean reached for the brightly colored bag and set it on the counter, hazel eyes staring at Eren a bit too intensely.

“Thanks.” Eren mumbled, leaving the money for the candy and turning away before things could get more awkward. Jean shook his head because that kid was weird as hell.

————

He didn’t see him again the rest of the summer, which was for the best, because at some point Annie started ignoring Mikasa and Eren actually got his friend back for the tail end of vacation. By the time it was the start of sophomore year, Eren was determined to be less of a dick and so he didn’t bother Jean when he saw him again. It wasn’t really peaceful or friendly, it was just neutral.

Eren was pretty proud of himself for being mature and moving past their year of rivalry. That was, until Jean purposely tripped Eren on the field during gym.

Eren stared at Jean like he lost his mind and Jean stared back, an arrogant light to his eyes like he knew he was being a prick and he didn’t care.

“What was that for?” Eren pushed himself up off the ground, grabbing the front of Jean’s shirt.

Jean leaned closer to Eren, their faces inches apart. “You were getting boring.”

Eren spluttered, absolutely thrown off. What exactly did Jean want from him? One minute he was acting like he wanted Eren to stop fighting with him and then the next he was tripping him.

Before either of them could do anything to further the situation, Levi blew a whistle and they immediately took a step back from each other, knowing his wrath would be on them if they acted up again.

He didn’t do anything like that again after but that mocking smile and those words lingered in Eren’s mind like they were burned there. How was it that Jean managed to get under his skin so much?

That being said, the physical side of their rivalry fizzled into nothing but Eren made an effort to at least acknowledge Jean with some name calling and taunting every once and a while and that seemed to placate Jean’s need for his attention.

————

His half-brother, Zeke, visited briefly before the holidays to have dinner with them and Eren always liked his visits because Zeke always doted on his little brother and brought him gifts. Hebrought Eren a new gaming system because he was fucking awesome and then he also slipped Eren a box of condoms, saying Eren was getting to that age and he didn’t want to be an uncle just yet. Eren was sure his face resembled a tomato.

Eren was invited to a Christmas party over Christa’s house on Winter break that year. Mikasa was home from her boarding school temporarily so she had come along with Eren and Armin to possibly cheer her up. She had a falling out with her friend from school, that lesbian chick, Annie. Eren suspected there was more to that relationship than Mikasa was telling them.

Anyway, Mikasa was hanging out quietly in the corner and after a few unsuccessful attempts at getting her to open up, Armin wandered off to talk to some of their schoolmates.

Eren went to get more eggnog, which most definitely had been spiked with rum. The few times that Zeke joined them for holidays had already exposed him to liquor before he was old enough to drink so Eren could hold it pretty well at least. Then he saw that dickhead, Jean Kirstein. He grit his teeth, annoyed already at his damn pretentious face until he noticed something new. Wrapped around Jean’s neck was the green scarf Eren made him. Several things passed though Eren’s head at that moment.

Like holy shit, Jean was wearing the scarf finally! That meant he liked it. He still didn’t really know Eren had made it though.

Then it was holy shit, Mikasa was also wearing her scarf and what if Jean made the connection and realized Eren made both of them?

Eren was scrambling to decide if he wanted Jean to know it was him who left the mystery gift and apology or if it were better left buried like his feelings. Wait, his feelings? No, he didn’t have feelings for Jean, unless wanting to punch someone in the face was a feeling, then he had a lot of feelings.

“Hey, Jaeger, who is the hot friend of yours?” Jean asked, nodding towards Mikasa. Eren rolled his eyes skyward, as if Jean had a chance with Mikasa. She was way out of his league.

“Her name is Mikasa. I don’t think you’re her type.” Eren replied, suspecting that Mikasa’s type was vertically challenged blondes with antisocial personalities, but that was just his guess.

Jean took it to be offensive to his looks or personality though, which honestly, was also true, but that wasn’t really Eren’s motive with his words. “Listen, you asshole, I am a complete gentleman with women so why don’t you let her decide if I’m her type or not.” He snapped, golden hazel eyes flashing with something like hurt. Eren felt his mouth go dry. The scarf’s color made Jean’s eyes stand out and Eren wondered if maybe subconsciously he picked a color to compliment them.

He actually looked really good that night too, his red flannel shirt hugging just close enough to his body to give a hint of the lanky form underneath and his jeans were black and tight, covering those long, lean legs.

Eren quickly adverted his gaze, chastising himself for indulging in his observations of Jean again. “Well, I’m pretty sure she likes people, not horses.” Wow, brilliant comeback, Eren thought sarcastically.

Jean looked pissed and he reached up to smack Eren’s cup to spill his eggnog over his shirt when he spotted Mikasa move out of the corner of his eye. Jean’s signature smirk curled his lips and he brushed past Eren to approach the raven haired beauty.

Eren noticed it then too.

Mikasa was under the mistletoe without realizing it.

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

Jean was going to try to make a move, that giant dickhead, and Eren couldn’t stand the way his chest tightened at the thought. He quickly darted past Jean and grabbed Mikasa by the waist and pulled her against his chest, placing a playful peck on her lips. It was a bit clumsy and rushed but damnit, it was Eren’s first kiss and Eren only did it to stop Jean from trying.

Jean stared, dumbfounded.

Mikasa’s grey eyes widened in surprise and Eren laughed uneasily, pointing up. She darted her eyes up, her body suddenly relaxing in his hold. She then looked at him with something unreadable and closed the distance again, kissing him with way more enthusiasm than he was anticipating. Eren stood frozen, feeling Mikasa’s lips move over his for an embarrassingly long time before he hesitantly gave in and returned the movements. He really couldn’t comprehend why they were kissing but it didn’t feel horrible, it didn’t make his heart flutter but it was warm and her lips were soft.

And she wasn’t kissing Jean.

Wait, Jean.

Eren was almost curious to see how Jean was reacting to them but when he turned his head to check, Jean was no where to be seen and Eren finally realized they were receiving catcalls and whistles. Armin was staring at them like they had lost their minds and perhaps there was a little judgement in his gaze.

Eren didn’t really have time to think about it because Mikasa dragged him off to a corner and kissed him again. Ok, well, apparently that was a thing they were doing. It was probably just to distract herself from her fight with Annie and Eren didn’t have to let it happen but a part of him wanted to know, wanted to see if he could be with a pretty girl like Mikasa and be straight or if what was going on with his head when Jean was around meant anything.

————

Eren paced his room the next day, wringing his hands and sweating and debating with himself if he should go through with his hair brained idea or just stay home and pretend the Christmas party at Christa’s had never happened. “Ugh, god, I’m going to regret this.” He muttered to himself, quickly opening his bedside drawer and grabbing one of the condoms Zeke had given him and shoving it in his pocket.

He moved to the window and slid it open before climbing out down the tree outside his window. He made the familiar trek to Mikasa’s and hopped the fence. He tapped on the screen that he knew lead to Mikasa’s room, his nerves making him feel jumpy and anxious. This was stupid, so stupid but Mikasa was more level headed than him so she would tell him to go home or they would just hang out and laugh it off later.

When she let him in though, none of that happened. Perhaps they were both vulnerable and confused but things progressed faster than he anticipated, he wasn’t even sure who made the first move, just that neither of them had any idea what they were doing and it was awkward and embarrassing and Mikasa was expecting him to, you know, and he was too nervous to get hard. Eren figured he would try to think of something to help him along and then those images came unbidden, Jean peeling off his shirt, skin still damp with sweat in the locker room,those long legs spread for him and those eyes, staring at him with an intensity that lit a fire within Eren.

“Fuck.” Eren groaned, no longer having his earlier problem. He hastily fished the packet out of his pocket, fumbling to open and remember how to put it on. Mikasa didn’t do much to help, her gaze not even focused on Eren. He probably should have noticed but he was having his own personal dilemma.

It was tight and awkward and Mikasa’s brows knitted together in discomfort at first and Eren tried not to lose himself in thoughts like what would it feel like to be buried balls deep in Jean instead and before he knew it, it was over. The sensation washed over him embarrassingly fast and Eren felt a cold wash of ice crawl up his spine when he realized what had just happened. He had never been so mortified in his entire life. There was no going back, he had totally just pictured screwing Jean and it made him cum in mere minutes. Wow.

“Should we pretend this never happened and go back to being friends?” Mikasa asked quietly.

Eren nodded, running an hand over his face. “Yeah, I’m...really sorry. It was weird, right?”

They didn’t make eye contact after that but Mikasa sent him a text the next day that told him not to have hard feelings but she realized that guys maybe weren’t for her. Eren was relieved because he sure as hell knew girls weren’t for him and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

————

When he returned to school after the break, the last thing he expected was to be cornered by Jean at his locker. He nearly jumped out of his skin seeing Jean there and his face flushed redder than it ever had in his life because he couldn’t help but think about well, what had transpired over break and what he had pictured while it happened.

“I didn’t know you were into her, I’m sorry.”

Eren’s eyes went wide and he wondered if he heard correctly. Jean was apologizing to him? “What?”

“You and Mikasa. I didn’t realize you liked her.” Jean repeated as if he were talking to a toddler.

Eren frowned. “I don’t. Not like that anyway.”

Jean raised a brow, more than a little confused. “Then what the hell was that at Christa’s party?”

“Too much rum and eggnog?” Eren ventured, shrugging. “She’s into girls. I think I was just a way to confirm that guys weren’t really doing anything for her.”

Jean’s lip quirked up in amusement. “So you’re saying you turned her into a lesbian? Wow, how much did you suck?”

Eren wanted to punch him but he couldn’t bring himself to get any closer, it was too dangerous. “Haha.” Eren deadpanned, turning to pull some books from his locker. “Like you’re any better than me, you bastard.”

“Maybe I am.” Something about the way Jean’s voice rumbled out of his throat, low and deep, had Eren freezing in place, heart pounding in his chest.

Was Jean flirting?

Eren looked to the side, seeing that annoying (smolderingly hot) smirk on Jean’s face.

“I guess Mikasa will never know.” Jean stepped away from Eren,hiking his bag up over his shoulder.

Eren may have rushed to the men’s room after Jean walked away and locked himself inside of a stall to tug one off because he couldn’t even think straight after that. Ha, straight.

————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Eren is so painfully awkward and emotionally confused in this that I have second hand embarrassment for him.


	3. Closer

It had to be a cruel joke, right? Mr. Smith assigned them a project to work on with a partner buthad them randomly choose their partners so they could get to know their classmates better. Eren open the piece of paper with his partner’s name on it and he felt his stomach flip.

Jean.

He looked over at the blond, sighing. Oh, it would be a long two weeks.

He crumpled the paper and threw it at Jean’s head. Jean picked it up and read it, eyes going wide. “Me and you?”

“Seems so.” Eren pouted, slumping back in his chair. “Life is unfair.”

Jean tossed the paper away and grabbed Eren’s arm, scribbling on it with a pen.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Eren tried to yank his arm away but Jean held tight.

“I gave you my number for the assignment. I actually want a good grade even if it means working with you.” Eren stared at the digits scribbled on his arm. He could have easily have just punched the numbers into his phone to make a new contact so why did Jean insist on leaving a physical mark on his skin?

They saw each other every day anyway so why would he even need his number?

“I have to work after school sometimes but you can text me if you want to meet somewhere.” Jean explained, seeing that Eren’s brain seemed to have stalled out. Eren just nodded numbly, running his fingers over the ink marks.

He had waited a couple days before working up the courage to text him and ask to work on the project. He invited him over his house. He held his breath until he got a response, his stomach churning in a way that made him feel like he was going to hurl again. He really needed to get a handle on that nervous habit.

Jean arrived on time and he was greeted warmly by Carla, who sent them into Eren’s room with a tray of cookies and milk.

Jean’s eyes wandered the room, taking in every poster and discarded piece of laundry and every detail that revealed something about his rival. Eren felt a bit exposed, knowing Jean was analyzing everything.

“Ready to start?”

“Your mom is pretty.” Jean said, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching for a cookie. “She looks like you in a wig.”

Eren’s jaw dropped open at the statement, starting to wonder at that point if Jean’s teasing was a new form of irritating Eren or if he really was trying to flirt.

“D...Don’t talk about my mom, you weirdo.” He huffed, pulling his backpack onto the bed and unpacking the books they would need.

Jean smirked, continuing to eat the cookie as Eren got set up. They seriously worked on the project after that, pausing to discuss portions of text they read or how they wanted to present the information. At some point though, Eren’s mind wandered and he chewed on the end if his pencil so hard he was denting the wood.

“What do you want to do after school?” Jean asked, seeming to sense Eren was at his limit for school work.

Eren blinked in surprise, gnawing some more before dropping the pencil between the pages of his book. “I’m not sure, maybe a police officer. I want to catch the bad guys.”

Jean raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Really? That’s the kind of response you’d expect from a kid.”

Eren’s brow furrowed in annoyance. “Yeah, well, what about you?”

“I want to be an artist,” Jean answered, shifting so he could lay back on Eren’s bed, tucking his arm under his head, Eren wondered why Jean was making himself so at home. “But it probably won’t pay the bills so I’m going to be an architect.”

“An architect?”

“Yeah, I like designing buildings. I had a room full of legos when I was younger.”

Eren grinned brighter than he had in the presence of the other boy. “I have an Death Star set in a box with your name on it.”

“No shit.” Jean sat up suddenly. “Lego break?”

Eren jumped off the bed and opened his closet, only to have the mess he hid in there come tumbling out. He flushed in embarrassment and Jean snorted in amusement but didn’t tease him. Eren grabbed the box and kicked everything back inside his closet before shutting it all away again.

He shifted everything to the side on the bed and they started to work on the project, which would take much longer than the time they had to work on it. Jean actually wasn’t bad, not once Eren got to know him. They talked rather civilly while they worked on connecting the pieces, which would normally be too tedious a task for Eren to finish on his own but with Jean there, it didn’t seem as daunting.

They lost track of time and eventually Carla knocked on the door and asked when Jean was going home. Eren didn’t want it to end, it was the first time, dare he say it, that he enjoyed hanging out with Jean. He wanted more.

He must have looked at Jean with a pleading, puppy dog look because Jean smiled. Not a smirk, a smile. “You free tomorrow night?”

Eren nodded.

“It’s a date then.” Jean said it so easily as he grabbed his things that Eren almost didn’t react at first, then it settled in and made his heart race. A date. A date?

“It was fun.” Jean added, pausing by the door, lingering just for a minute.

“Yeah.” Eren breathed, knowing he his voice was shaky and he was obviously more affected byJean’s words than he should have been.

He may have rolled over onto some lego bricks that night and he cursed aloud but he still couldn’t help the stupid smile that crept on his face every time he thought of them sharing those peaceful moments together.

————

The visits continued, any time Jean didn’t have work, he was coming over and they worked on the project and did homework together. Jean even had dinner with Eren and his parents a few times. It was startling how fast they had become sort of friends, even though they still called each other names occasionally.

Eren reached a point where he had to say something to Armin because his best friend started to notice that Eren wasn’t asking him to hang out as often.

So on one of the nights Jean was at work, Eren had Armin come over.

“So...I have something to say.” Eren nervously pulled at a loose string on his shirt, feeling uneasy. He knew Armin would accept him how he was, he was that kind of person, but it was still a big deal for Eren. He hadn’t come out to anyone yet.

“You’re gay?” Armin ventured a guess, voice gentle.

Eren snapped his head up, jaw dropping open.

“I knew it before you did. That’s why I disapproved so much when you and Mikasa were kissing at the Christmas party. You were both lying to yourselves.” Eren should have figured that Armin would be observant enough to figure it out but he wondered what exactly gave him away.

“How did you know?”

“You and Jean.” Armin replied with an amused snort. “Half the time I’m expecting you to tear off his clothes instead of punching him.”

Eren paled, realizing he hadn’t been very subtle. Then again, Armin was way more observant than most people. “So then when Reiner and Connie teased me in the locker room...”

“They probably picked up on it too or maybe they were just teasing you because they thought it was funny.” Armin shrugged but at least to him, it was fairly obvious that Eren had a crush on Jean. He knew Eren better than anyone though and how Eren was emotionally inept sometimes.

“He’s been coming over a lot lately.” Eren mumbled, wondering if maybe Jean knew too.

“Has anything happened?” Armin was genuinely curious because he had a feeling Eren wasn’t alone in his crush.

“No! We just study and hang out.” Eren knew his face was red because even though Jean’s visits hadn’t gone anywhere, the familiarity they had when they were together seemed definitely more intimate than it had been before. Jean made himself completely at home when he was around, kicking off his shoes and taking off his belt to be more comfortable but it often lead to Jean’s pants sliding down exposing more skin and the top of his boxers.

“Whatever you are thinking about, I don’t want to be in here while you’re dwelling on it.” Armin interrupted his thoughts, nose scrunching. Eren quickly grabbed a pillow to place in his lap, hoping Armin hadn’t picked up on anything stirring.

“How do I know if he... wants what I want?” Eren wondered, hoping his wise friend could provide some much needed advice because if just left to Eren, he’d probably just continue to pop inconvenient boners and remain alone for eternity.

Armin was quiet for a minute, thinking it over. He hadn’t been in a position where he had to worry about romance just yet, so he was only guessing at what would work. “Why don’t you try testing to see how he reacts to things? Like I don’t know, find an excuse to take off you shirt or invite him out somewhere that could be a date.”

Eren nodded, making mental notes of Armin’s advice. He would have to try that out the next time Jean came over.

————

Eren was chewing on another pencil in his computer desk chair while he stared at Jean lounging on his bed with his shoes and belt off, those stupid pants sliding down again on his skinny hips. He couldn’t do it, Eren didn’t know how to do subtle and suave. He would end up being awkward and unsexy and even if Jean was inclined the same way as Eren, why would he ever want to be with the kid that used to launch spitballs in his hair?

And Jean was wearing the scarf again.

“I made that.” Eren blurted out, like word vomit, just saying the first thing that came to mind.

Jean turned on his side, giving a Eren a look like “what the hell are you talking about?”

Eren was flustered because he knew he was all over the place. “The scarf.”

“I know,” Jean smiled in amusement, touching the edge of the scarf. “I saw the way you were squirming around when I picked it up off my desk.”

“Ah.” Eren fidgeted, trying not to look at Jean on his bed, his shirt hiked up even higher with his movements.

“I like it. It’s a nice color.” It was one of the few compliments Jean had given him and Eren felt the corners of his lips tug up in response.

“I thought it looked like shit.”

“It does. Doesn’t mean I can’t like it.”

Eren felt something shift between them, like the air was a bit more stifling. He tugged at his shirt collar, glanced at Jean and then he suddenly was pulling his shirt up over his head. He probably should have thought of a smoother way to transition in that direction but it was Eren so it was abrupt and he got the shirt stuck on his head for a minute before tossing it aside.

“What... are you doing?” Jean’s eyes went wide, his gaze flitting over Eren’s exposed upper half and then to the discarded shirt.

Wow, he had totally freaked him out, hadn’t he?

Eren shrugged, trying to play it off like it was no big deal. “Felt too warm in here.”

Jean raised his brows, snorting softly. “Yeah, ok. Want to open a window?”

“Yeah.” Eren sighed, feeling like a complete idiot as he went over to open his window. He was probably still too scrawny to be appealing even if Jean liked like guys.

Except when he turned around he felt Jean’s eyes on him again and there was something there, dark in his gaze. Eren swallowed thickly, shivering now that the cool air was coming in against his back. The tension was palpable, neither able to say a word until a knock came on the door and both of them jumped in surprise.

Carla poked her head in the room, clutching a phone in one hand. “Jean, your mom called, she says you need to go home right away.”

Jean hastily gathered his things, avoiding eye contact with Eren as he did so. Eren tried not to let his disappointment show or to dwell on the suspicious look his mother sent his way when she noticed him missing his shirt with the window open behind him.

————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t even know if anyone is reading this or enjoying it, but here’s another chapter.


	4. Confessions

Jean came over one last time. To say goodbye.

Eren could hardly believe it when Jean explained to him that he was moving, that his mom had gotten a job opportunity where she could make more to support them so Jean could focus on school. It made a lot of sense and Eren wanted to be supportive but he didn’t expect for it to hurt that much.

They had ventured outside, the bite of winter still lingering in the air but not enough to freeze them. Jean’s nose and cheeks were pink from the cold but it was as if neither of them felt it under the tree in Eren’s backyard. He sat on the lowest hanging branch, legs dangling as he tried to process the news. Jean was going to move to the opposite side of the country.

They were likely never going to see each other again.

Eren felt his lip tremble and he squeezed his eyes shut because like hell he was going to cry in front of Jean.

Jean seemed to pick up on his internal distress, perhaps he felt it too. He moved forward, standing between Eren’s legs. They were so close that Eren could feel Jean’s warm breath onhis face.

“It’s warm where I’m going, I won’t need this anymore.” Jean unwound the scarf around his neck and wrapped it around Eren. Eren inhaled the scent of Jean in the yarn and it was like a dam burst and he actually started crying. Not cute tears either, like the ugly kind that made snot run out of your nose.

“You asshole, you don’t give gifts back.” Eren gasped out, shoulders shaking. Why was he being so embarrassing again?

Warm arms wrapped around him and pulled him close into a tight embrace and Eren almost forgot to breathe because it was the first time they were sharing a touch that was affectionate.

“Eren.” Jean whispered his name like a secret, making Eren shiver in response. “I’m really glad we became friends. I’m just sorry that we didn’t have more time.” It sounded like Jean meant more than he was saying. Eren almost knew what he was implying, even if he was usually clueless when it came to emotions. If they had more time, they could have figured out what it was they had. If there was anything there.

Eren buried his face in Jean’s neck, his tears wetting his skin and Jean let him. They stayed like that until they were chilled through and Eren’s tears had dried uncomfortably on his cheeks. Jean had to go home and pack. They didn’t say anything after that and Eren couldn’t decide if he regretted it or not.

He debated seeing Jean off at the airport like a scene in a movie, chasing after him and grabbing him at the last minute to confess and kiss him but he didn’t. What good would it do? Eren knew long distance relationships weren’t exactly the most successful and Jean could still reject him. Maybe it was best to keep the memories of their almost friendship the way they were.

Eren spent the rest of the school year and the summer sulking. He still hung out with his friends and Annie came along again, giving Mikasa the most obscene sunscreen application that Eren had ever witnessed, when they all went to the lake together. Something about the smugness in her face gave Eren the impression that Mikasa had told her about their disastrous hook up and Eren wanted to curl up and die.

Junior year of high school was different for many reasons but it felt decidedly hollow. Eren devoted more time to working out and started taking up rock climbing just to get his mind off Jean being gone. He was also blossoming past some of his awkwardness and it showed in the sudden influx of attention he started to get from both sexes.

Eren never made time for dating though. At one point he saw Marco and asked him about Jean as casually as he could. Marco had said he was doing well and showed him a few pictures of Jean, his hair grown out a little longer and damnit he looked even better.

“He’s still single too.” Marco added as an afterthought. Eren felt his face heat, some things never changed, no matter how much he had matured on the outside.

Eren snorted, trying to play it off like he didn’t care. “Well, who would want to date that horse face?”

Marco just smiled in return as if he already knew the answer to that one. “You can always text or FaceTime him you know.”

Eren looked away, still conflicted about starting something up again. He felt like he was moving on and getting past it, why would he want to go down that rabbit hole again?

So he did the only other thing that seemed totally normal, he stalked him on social media of course.

Eren chewed on his pencil as he scrolled through pages of pictures on Jean’s Instagram, stopping suddenly when he came across one of those awful bathroom selfies with poor lighting but Jean was shirtless and he had filled out just a bit more, his shoulders broadened and his muscles more defined, he still was lanky and all long limbs but Eren always loved that about him anyway.

And oh god, his happy trail.

“Fuck.” Eren sighed, reaching down to palm the growing erection in his pants. His reactions were so predictable when it came to Jean. He indulged himself even though he knew it was creepy, sliding his hand in his boxers to pump himself to full hardness, though it didn’t take long with that visual burned in his mind.

The old favorites returned to flash before his minds eye. He pictured Jean laying in his bed, his jeans sliding down his hips while he pulled off his shirt for Eren’s viewing pleasure. Eren pictured crawling on top of him and kissing him senseless, feeling up the hard planes of muscle, biting his neck, feeling him get hard for him.

Eren shoved his pants down to make more room, taking hold of himself and imagining what it would be like to touch Jean’s dick, the weight and length of it, the color, the feel of it pulsing in his hand. Eren moaned aloud before he realized he was still at home and could be overheard. He grew quiet for a moment but there weren’t any sounds in the rest of the house so he continued on his path of sinful thoughts.

He worked his hand over himself again, thumbing the slit, twisting just so and tightening his grip. If there was one thing he was at least confident he could do was jerk him off. Eren had plenty experience with that. Not that it was anything to be proud of.

He tried to picture the kind of face Jean would make as Eren made him come undone, made him lose control. He pictured his voice too, that voice he hadn’t heard in so long, growling his name in the heat of the moment just before he spilled all over Eren’s hands.

Ugh, Eren looked down to see that it was just his mess and not Jean’s that needed cleaning up. He pulled off his shirt and wiped himself down before chucking the it across the room.

He looked at his phone again, ready to continue scrolling when he realized he had liked the bathroom selfie at some point during his wank fest. Shit.

He hurriedly unliked the photo but the damage was done, Jean’s contact popped up on the screen, calling him.

Eren felt panicked, heart beating wildly and his whole body felt hot. Should he answer? Or was it worse to ignore it?

He worried his lip between his teeth before accepting the call. “Hey.” He croaked, hating how his voice cracked, he was too old for that, but the extreme discomfort he was feeling was throwing him off.

“Miss me?” Jean’s voice was like honey on the other end, just a hint of teasing in his tone.

If Eren hadn’t just gotten off he probably would have been hard again. He swallowed, trying to steady his voice.

“It was a mistake.”

“Were you so wildly jerking it to my picture that you didn’t notice?”

Eren looked around, wondering if Jean had set up a camera in his room before he left.

Oh wait, he forgot to deny it.

“N-No.” Oh shit, he was failing at the whole denial thing.

An exhale from the other end.

“Eren...”

The silence stretched between them for what felt like ages while Eren’s face burned and he quickly ended the call and threw the phone across the room.

He was torn between being humiliated beyond all reason and ready to break down all over again because he really did fucking miss that prick and if only it hadn’t been such a weird situation, he would have really loved talking to him.

————

Eren’s inability to deal hadn’t changed all that much. He avoided thinking about or talking to Jean as much as possible. It had taken maybe a week before Jean reached out, sending him a text that asked for them to talk about it.

He didn’t want to.

No matter what the result, it wasn’t bringing Jean back and he’d ruined whatever friendship they had by being an absolute creep.Actually, he was pretty sure there was no reason for Jean to like him at all between the fights, the insults and the social media perving. The only time they had any interactions that you could build a healthy relationship off of, it had been just lame study dates in his room.

Jean deserved better. Yeah, he was actually saying it, Jean deserved better.

So he backed off and went back to primarily hanging out with Armin and occasionally a few other classmates. Mikasa hadn’t come back for winter break because, big surprise, she was spending all her time with her newly official girlfriend.

Eren, somehow, finished out the year with decent grades.

When Mikasa finally made it back for summer break, Eren asked to meet up with her because he needed to let her know about his secret and it would make any lingering awkwardness hopefully disappear.

“I’m gay.” Eren declared, deciding to just get it out there.

Mikasa’s eyes widened as she dropped the fry she was holding. Clearly she hadn’t picked up on it the same way Armin had but she hadn’t been around as much.

“What? But we...you know.” Mikasa didn’t even want to say it but she didn’t have to.

“Yeah and you’re a lesbian.” Eren countered with a pointed look. “I thought liking a pretty girl like you was what I was supposed to do so I tried it. I actually figured it out then, I was so nervous when we were about to do it that I may have pictured someone else.” Eren slid down in his seat, trying to hide the embarrassing shade of red that bloomed over his face.

Mikasa was speechless for a minute before she started laughing. “You must’ve really liked that person.”

Eren narrowed his eyes, throwing a couple fries in Mikasa’s direction. He turned his head to the side, huffing. “I don’t want to. He’s an idiot.” That wasn’t true, Jean was actually brilliant at some things. Eren felt like he was the idiot.

Mikasa’s eyes softened and she gently nudged Eren’s foot under the table with hers. “Are you going to tell him?”

Eren’s teal eyes widened in fear, quickly shaking his head. No, he couldn’t talk to him again, not after he embarrassed himself like that. “We don’t...we aren’t as close as you and Annie, I don’t think he likes me like that.”

“Well, he really is an idiot if he doesn’t like you.” Mikasa said, hoping to cheer Eren up. Eren smiled, the tension leaving his shoulders because things were comfortable between them again. He didn’t believe Mikasa’s words but she was sweet for thinking that.

“Thanks, Mikasa. Annie is a hell of a lucky girl to have you.”

Mikasa’s face was one of someone completely head over heels in love. Eren may have been a bit envious of what they had. “I’m lucky too.”

————

Eren had been invited out to a bonfire at Marco’s and thinking nothing of it, he decided to go because it would be nice to see his school mates again.

The fire was already an impressive size when he arrived and grabbed a drink. He greeted the familiar faces but then he saw him, looking even more gorgeous in person, Jean Kirschtein.

Eren was pretty sure he was doing a good impression of deer in the headlights and he actually turned to bolt when he felt Marco’s hand clamp down on his shoulder. The tall, freckled boy smiled, firmly keeping Eren in place.

“Jean decided to visit for the summer, isn’t that great?”

Eren cast his gaze to the side, a familiar feeling of sick rising up in his throat. He tried to push it down because he didn’t need to be that weird guy that always threw up around Jean.

“Eren.” Jean said, grabbing on to his wrist. “Come with me to get more ice.”

Eren wanted to protest, because they were receiving looks from their friends and he was still feeling so nervous that he was nauseous, but he followed.

Once they were inside the kitchen, Jean shoved him up against the counter and Eren winced, about to snap at Jean for being too rough when he suddenly felt Jean’s hand at the back of his head.

“I feel like I waited forever for this.” Jean said, closing the distance between them and pressing a kiss to Eren’s lips. It wasn’t as forceful as Eren expected, not that he had been expecting it, he was currently in shock, but Jean was gentle. And a surprisingly good kisser.

Ah, yes, the butterflies were there. Eren groaned against Jean’s lips, giving in to the kiss when Jean sucked on his lower lip and pressed his hips forward into Eren’s.

Hot, hot, he was burning up from the heat of their bodies and the sudden spike in raw desire that washed over him from being so close to his crush.

Eren clutched on to Jean desperately, fisting his hands in his shirt. He could hardly believe it was happening and he wanted more. He would be happy if Jean pushed him up on the counter and had his way with him right then and there. But they were at Marco’s house and that would definitely be a no.

Jean reluctantly pulled away, slightly out of breath himself, pressing his forehead to Eren’s. “I really fucking like you. I have no idea why because you are annoying and frustrating but you are cute as hell and passionate and I missed you.”

Eren tilted his head, pressing another kiss to Jean’s lips. “I really fucking like you too.”

Jean laughed, voice lowering again as his hazel eyes met Eren’s with a burning intensity. “Yeah, I know. Next time you jerk one off to me, at least let me be there to help you.”

Ah, there was his inconvenient boner.

“I might need that sooner than you anticipated.” Eren mumbled, trying to twist out of Jean’s hold so he could calm down.

“Don’t underestimate how soon I pictured your cock in my hand. Or my mouth.” Jean grinned, refusing to let Eren get away. “I’m staying in the guest room down the hall.”

Eren swallowed, eyes darting down the hall and then back at Jean. “What about the ice?”

“There is no ice.” Jean pressed his lips to Eren’s throat, kissing and sucking on his skin. Eren shuddered in want, knowing he would give in to Jean. They only had the summer to be together so damned if his heart would break at the end of it, he couldn’t help himself.

————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya’ll know what’s coming in the next chapter (or who 🤭)


	5. Summer Love

Eren’s heart hammered in his chest as Jean pushed him down on the bed, their lips connecting again and this time there was more force behind the kiss. He closed his eyes, getting lost in the feeling of lips brushing, tongues stroking and moans vibrating against his lips. Jean sunk down until he was pressed fully against Eren and oh, could he feel him. He was long and hard, that much Eren could tell.

“I wanna touch.” Eren gasped between kisses, hand reaching down to Jean’s belt in permission.

Jean groaned, rolling his hips forward at Eren’s request. “Hell yeah, go for it.”

Eren smiled shyly, unbuckling Jean’s belt and making quick work of his button and zipper, sliding his hand past the waistband. He wrapped his hand around him, starting out with tentative strokes until he gained more confidence.

“Ah, Eren...” Jean stopped kissing him for a moment, hips jerking into Eren’s touch. Eren watched in fascination, unable to believe that he was actually the one who was causing those reactions, causing Jean to say his name like that, all breathless and needy. Suddenly sparked with confidence, he tightened his grip, stroking a bit harder and teasing at the tip.

Jean thrust into his hand, breaths hot against Eren’s neck as collapsed further into boy below. Jean’s erection rubbed against Eren’s clothed one and Eren bucked up, craving friction.

“I want...” Eren shivered, timid about asking. Jean latched onto his neck again, sucking hard and Eren felt a strong wave of arousal pulse through him. “Pants off.”

Jean reluctantly pulled away, knowing Eren was right. He pulled his shirt over his head, the motion making his muscles flex and his hair look wildly tousled, like something out of one of Eren’s sex dreams. Jean was eager, pushing his pants and underwear down his hips in one motion, then kicking them off his legs. Eren stared, seeing Jean naked before him for the first time. Those lengthy, beautiful limbs and long cock, flushed and hard. Hard for Eren.

Eren licked his lips, arching up to pull his own shirt off his head, managing it more easily than the last time he tried to seduce Jean, thankfully. Jean released a breath, appreciatively reaching out to trace the lines of Eren’s abs.

“Fuck, Eren, you’ve been working out.” Jean’s eyes darkened with desire, immediately going for Eren’s chest, sucking on a nipple while his fingers traced the v leading downwards. Eren smiled, pleased that Jean noticed the changes in his body.

“So have you.” Eren replied, tangling his fingers in Jean’s hair, more than pleased with how Jean’s lips traveled down his torso, tongue dipping and tracing between valleys of muscle. The touch sent shivers down his spine, positively aching for Jean to touch him, to give him the affection he had been craving for years.

Jean gave him what he wanted, unfastening Eren’s pants and pulling them down and off. Just his boxers stood in the way, tenting out obviously with Eren’s erection straining against the fabric. Jean curled his fingers in the waist band and leaned over mouthing up the clothed length, the touch still enough to drive Eren crazy even with the fabric dulling the feeling.

“Shit, Jean, please...” Eren rocked his hips, desperate for the barrier to be removed.

“Ah, I found a new way to torture you.” Jean commented, smirking as he nuzzled Eren through his boxers, rubbing and mouthing him until Eren was a squirming mess, precum wetting the fabric.

“Damn asshole.” Eren sighed in disbelief, laughing breathlessly as he grabbed the boxers himself and yanked them off because Jean was such a fucking tease.

Jean grinned up at him from between Eren’s legs, his fingers wrapping around the base of Eren’s dick. Eren felt his breath catch in his throat, seeing Jean like that, touching him that way.

“You are so goddamn beautiful.” Jean whispered in awe, catching Eren off guard. He felt his face flush all the way down to his chest. “I wish I could paint you right now.”

Eren didn’t know to take a compliment, especially not something like that. “You’re so gay.” He said instead, throwing his arm over his face.

“That’s right and you’re lucky I’m gay or else I wouldn’t do this.” Jean finally made a move, dragging his tongue up the underside of Eren’s erection, stopping at the tip to suck between his lips, tongue rolling around it and swallowing down until Eren was fully lodged down his throat. Eren bit down hard on the back of his hand, totally unprepared for the sudden hot, wet heat enveloping him. He made muffled, choked noises of pleasure against his hand, his free hand wandering down to tangle in Jean’s hair, giving his head appreciative massages because oh holy fuck what Jean was doing with his mouth was blowing Eren’s mind, not just his dick.

Jean continued to suck and bob his head, pressing his own hips down into the mattress for some friction because the muffled sounds coming from Eren and the way he shivered and trembled with every hollow cheeked suck and long swipe of tongue was doing a lot to drive him crazy too.

The closer Jean drove him to the edge, the more incoherent Eren became, his hands reaching down to fist in the sheets as if to anchor him with the oncoming wave of ecstasy tugging at the corners of his consciousness. He was babbling praise between moans and shuddering sighs until his hips gave a series of stuttering thrusts, Jean gladly drinking down his release, sucking out every last drop.

Eren flopped back against the bed, the tension leaving his body boneless and reeling. Jean just gave him the best orgasm of his short little existence and then just swallowed down his jizz. It took him a moment to process that and he shuddered again because that was damn hot, maybe kinda gross too, but in a good way.

“Come here.” Eren mumbled, reaching out blindly for Jean because he needed to feel him, he needed to know it was real. Jean crawled up next to him, pressing against his side. Eren could still feel him hard and ready against his side but Jean didn’t ask for anything and bless him because he must’ve been horny as hell at that point. He was being patient with Eren and it struck something within him, making his heart ache with affection.

“I wanna try it too.” Eren whispered, turning his head to meet those hazel eyes. “I probably won’t be good at it but I want to.”

“Just don’t bite and I think you’ll do fine.” Jean teased back, definitely not going to argue if Eren wanted to suck him off. Eren shyly pushed Jean on his back and settled between his legs. What Eren lacked in skill, he made up for in eagerness and Jean wasn’t going to argue that the sight of Eren sucking the hell out of him with drool dribbling down his chin wasn’t one of the hottest things he’d ever seen.

They never returned to the bonfire, instead curling up together, content and satiated in each other’s arms.

————

The morning came too soon and Eren rolled over in bed, his hand reaching across to the empty space next to him. He frowned, wondering if he had just a wonderfully vivid dream and Jean hadn’t completely blew his mind the night before. He whined, sitting up and blinking bleary teal eyes until they focused on his surroundings. The room definitely wasn’t his, much cleaner and covered is cute, country floral prints. It was definitely the guest room at Marco’s house. His stomach flipped, realizing he hadn’t been imagining things.

A silly, overly giddy grin took over his face and he grabbed a pillow to muffle an excited scream into it because hell yeah, Jean was into him.

His love sick reaction lasted a few minutes before he calmed down enough to wonder where exactly the other boy had gone off to. He heard faint voices coming from outside the room and so he hurriedly pulled on his clothes from the night before, wanting to see Jean’s face again.

He quietly crept out from the room and down the hall, peering around the corner to see Marco and Jean talking while Marco scrambled some eggs.

“How did it go?” Marco asked, grinning from ear to ear. “You’re in charge of washing the sheets if you get anything on them.”

Jean ducked his head, laughing even though he definitely was turning a little red. “Don’t worry, I will deal with the cum stains. You already did enough as my wing man.” A pause. “Really, thank you, Marco.”

Marco waved off the thanks like it was nothing. “You two were utterly helpless so I had to do something.”

“True.” Jean smiled wider, leaning against the countertop he had pushed Eren against the night before. “I don’t think I could ever get enough of him.”

Marco made a face. “Spare me the details. I’m happy for you but I really don’t want to know anything beyond that.”

Eren felt the butterflies again at Jean’s words and his feet shuffled forward, drawing the attention of the other two. Jean’s eyes lit up at seeing him and Eren closed the distance, wrapping his arms around Jean’s middle and hugging him tight, a little sigh escaping his lips.

“You two will need to find somewhere else to do that, my parents are coming home today.” Marco warned, waving the spatula at them.

————

The bliss was short lived, Eren had to go home after breakfast because Mikasa had apparently shown up at his house crying. She had been found out and her grandmother had kicked her out because of her relationship with Annie.

With promises to meet up later, Eren headed home and he totally forgot his current state when he walked into his house.

“Eren, what is that on your neck?” His mother’s voice was a sudden reminder that Eren was in his clothes from the night before with a bright red hickey on his neck. Eren slapped his hand over the spot, panic setting in.

Mikasa looked over at him, eyes taking in his rumpled state and the mark he was trying desperately to hide and she bit her lip to hide her laughter, realizing what Eren had gotten up to. It effectively chased away some of her sadness.

“Uhh...” Eren desperately looked to Mikasa for help because how the hell was he going to explain that to his mother?

“Carla, you know what that is.” Grisha spoke up, moving to stand beside his wife. Eren’s eyes went wide because it was actually getting worse. “Eren, I hope you remember our talk about safety.”

Eren wanted to disintegrate into the floor at the moment and Mikasa was really struggling not to lose it over the look on his face. Of course Eren remembered “the talk” he had with his dad years ago, because his dad was a doctor it was the most clinical description ever with charts and everything.

“Eren! Don’t tell me you are doing that already.” Carla clapped a hand over her mouth, horrified that her baby boy might already be having sex.

Eren didn’t have the heart to tell her that ship had sailed a couple years ago and with the girl who was currently trying not to burst into laughter at Eren’s expense.

“I’m taking a shower.” Eren muttered miserably, hurrying off before any more embarrassing things could happen.

By the time he came back out to sit with Mikasa on the couch, his parents had moved on from that line of questioning and it was Mikasa’s turn instead.

“Was it him? Your crush?”

Eren couldn’t stop the smile that reached all the way to his eyes. “Yeah.”

“Congratulations.” Mikasa laid her head on Eren’s shoulder, taking his hand in hers. “If he ever breaks your heart then I will break him.”

Eren squeezed her hand in return. “Sorry about what happened with your grandma.”

Mikasa frowned, the ache in her chest returning. “Real family will support you for who you are and who you love. You know your family is more of a family to me than she ever was.”

Eren hoped she was right, that his parents would be just as understanding when he decided to come out to them because he was pretty sure what he was feeling for Jean wouldn’t go away.

————

The days passed by far too quickly, the bond between Eren and Jean building beyond the closeness they had before. It wasn’t all hands and mouths on each other all the time, although they did that any chance they got until they were both spent.

They also finished the lego Death Star and put it on display in Eren’s room and went on trips to the lake for kayaking and hikes in the woods. Eren showed Jean what bouldering was in some cliffs on one of their hikes and Jean nearly had a heart attack when Eren’s hand slipped. That lead to a very angry make out session where Jean insisted that Eren only climb indoors with the proper mats to reduce chances of injury.

Though he felt Jean was excessively worried, he couldn’t complain about the way Jean ground their hips together against the rock face until they both had to return from their trip sans underwear.

He also got to see Jean’s artistic side too, since he brought his camera everywhere with them and he also took time to sketch when he got the chance.

Eren once asked Jean to “draw him like one of his French girls” and Jean obliged, actually drawing a gorgeous portrait of Eren naked, laying on his stomach in his bed. That had pretty fun results as well. Jean was also glad to have something to take home with him to remember the way Eren’s backside looked on lonely nights.

Eren tried not to think about the fast approaching end to Jean’s visit. He was falling way too hard to admit that it would kill him not to hear him breathe next to him at night.

————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t written M/M smut in fooooorever so I apologize if it’s not great. 😬
> 
> One more chapter for you lovelies and then the series is finished.


	6. Captured Moments

Eren gripped onto the blanket below him hard, his fingers digging in and scraping across the ground. They spent most of their time outdoors that summer, since they could hide themselves away in the privacy of the woods and the smell of the fresh air and Jean was Eren’s favorite mixture.

It was also an opportunity for them to take their relationship to the next step and Jean’s fingers were knuckle deep in Eren’s ass, stretching him out. It was weird and kinda uncomfortable but then all of the sudden there was overwhelming pleasure rolling up his spine and Eren released a desperate sob of pleasure, writhing against Jean’s touch. “F-Fuck, do that again.” He moaned, rocking back on those long digits to get that feeling again. Jean curved his fingers, purposely rubbing against the sensitive bundle.

“Shit!” Eren bit his lip hard, feeling the sharp pain in his lip as he bit down hard enough to draw blood. It was so, so good. He knew he was leaking precum, painfully hard at that point.

Jean pressed his lips against Eren’s shoulders, his own body almost shaking with need because those noises in combination with Eren’s muscles flexing around his fingers was such a tempting preview of what was to come.

“Now, do it now.” Eren demanded, rocking back against the fingers more insistently. Jean laughed against Eren’s shoulder, pulling the fingers free before Eren could get any real satisfaction.

“So eager.” Jean teased, biting down on Eren’s neck just hard enough to get Eren to whine low in his throat.

“Fuck you.” Eren growled, squirming against Jean until he felt the press if something larger against his entrance, the blunt head pushing in just slightly. He suddenly changed his tune, sliding his hips back against Jean to get him in deeper. Jean stopped him, hands firm on his hips as he sucked in a breath, because wow, Eren was tight and hungry for more and Jean wasboth afraid to hurt him and it felt a little too good. He had to slow him down.

“Wait a second, would you?” Jean’s voice sounded slightly strained because he was concentrating on adjusting to the sudden heat and vice like tightness that he was sinking into. Eren huffed in impatience, his knuckles white on the edge of the blanket as he tried to steady his breaths and relax.

Finally getting a hold of himself, Jean rocked foreword, burying himself deeper within Eren. Eren lurched forward, falling on his forearms and ass sticking higher in the air. He made desperate pleading noises, rocking back onto Jean’s cock. Eren was loud in the heat of the moment, like he was in everything in life, and that’s why they had to bury themselves in the woods. There was no way they could be discrete with that mouth of his.

Jean’s fingers tightened on Eren’s hips, his movements picking up speed as he grew more confident, aiming his thrusts just right and Eren was biting onto his fist to muffle his cries because he wasn’t even touching himself and he felt amazing. Jean was amazing. He felt so full and then Jean found it again and his body trembled, already so close.

Jean bent over Eren again and feeling the heat of their bodies, sweat-slicked especially in the heat of summer. Eren made a noise that went straight to his cock, somewhere between a sob and moan and then his body was tensing wonderfully, almost too much. Eren barely managed to give himself one, two strokes by wedging his hand between his body and the blankets before his entire body rocked with the force of his orgasm, more intense than the ones before.

Jean was helpless but to follow Eren into oblivion, the shuddering of Eren’s body and the sounds drawing him over the edge. He muffled his own voice against Eren’s shoulders, riding out the last of it with a few more jerky thrusts.

Eren wiped his hand clean on the blanket and took a few deep breaths to return to reality. Jean shifted behind him, pulling out after a minute to collapse next to him. Eren rolled over as well, trying to avoid to puddle of jizz he had left on the blanket. He ended up half on top of Jean, the stupidest content grin on his face.

They laid like that for a while, basking in the afterglow.

“Wait, hold still, right there.” Jean instructed, reaching over to grab his camera that was sitting on the blanket next to them. Eren smiled down at his boyfriend, the sun shining through the leaves of the trees above them casting shadows and light over both of them.

Jean snapped some pictures of Eren, the combination of satisfaction and softness in Eren’s expression in that lighting was just perfect.

“Why are you always taking my picture?” Eren protested, mostly because he got all flustered and awkward at the way Jean intently studied him when Eren was his muse.

“I don’t ever want to forget this.” Jean answered, lowering the camera. They had an amazing summer together and it was unfortunately going to end in a week. Eren felt the tug at his heartstrings. They were going to try it, the long distance thing, but obviously being together was preferable.

“Jean...” Eren tried to swallow down that tight feeling in his throat.

Sensing the shift in mood, Jean reached up to pull Eren down for a kiss. The gesture was enough to distract Eren from their inevitable separation. They kissed until Eren felt the pain ease away into the warm contentment he usually had tucked against Jean. He laid his head on his boyfriend’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“It’s amazing how much more docile you are now compared to when we first met. Maybe all you needed was to get laid.”Jean commented absently, threading his fingers through wild, silky brown strands at the back of Eren’s head.

“Docile?” Eren made a face, lightly slapping Jean’s chest. “I’ll show you docile, you prick.”

Jean smirked up at him. Oh, he was doing that thing again, where he purposely riled Eren up to see the fire behind those stunning green eyes. Eren played along though, not really upset, but loving the way their push and pull relationship worked. Behind all the heat and fire and passion, there was tenderness and affection, maybe more than they even felt comfortable showing but glimpses of it came out in the way they would look at each other or kisses that were too gentle and feathery, just placed out of overwhelming emotion rather than something lustful or needy.

“Yeah, show it to me.” Jean urged, hazel eyes playful as he began to play wrestle against Eren’s hold. Eren’s gaze darkened as he swooped down and captured Jean’s lips, pressing harder, maybe inelegantly so, but it did little to lessen the way the fire always burned between the two of them.

“Eren.” Eren met Jean’s eyes, his hand pausing in his exploration of his boyfriend’s body. “If you can get it up again, you can have my ass.”

Eren really didn’t think that would be a problem, not with an offer like that.

————

The last week flew by and though they spent as much of it together as time would allow, it was never enough. Then Eren was kissing Jean and crying in the airport, making an absolute humiliating mess of of a good bye. Jean nearly missed his flight because Eren nearly koala hugged him into not going, but they both knew they had at least the next year ahead of them before Jean would be free to come back.

“Wait until we graduate,” Jean had whispered in his ear. “Then I will find a college near by and we’ll get a shitty apartment that we can’t afford.”

“Ok, ok.” Eren had reluctantly agreed, loosening his grip enough so Jean could pry his hands free. It would be ok, it would be fine.

When Eren had gone home with swollen eyes and a sour mood, Carla had drawn him into a hug.

“I was hoping for grandchildren but it’s ok because you like him so much.” And Eren hugged back tightly because he may have been a bit of a momma’s boy and her approval meant a lot to him. He absently wondered if Jean would like to adopt someday, then he was struck how easily he had thought of Jean being a long term thing.

They were only seventeen and hadn’t been together very long but it just felt so right.

————

It wasn’t always easy.

Long distance was a bitch and between the longing and the loneliness, there was jealousy too. Neither of them lacked in drawing attention and sometimes would fight over the stupidest things.

That being said, they managed to make it through their senior year with Mikasa only calling Jean to threaten him with bodily harm if he hurt Eren only once.

Jean had made a mental note never to mess with her. She was scary.

He moved back when they had saved up enough for the first and last and security on their first apartment.

It was really shitty. Like lights flickering, pipes squeaking, possibly haunted kinda shitty. Eren couldn’t find himself caring when they warmed each other at night with their body heat. They also kept it continually freezing because heat was fucking expensive and Eren ran hot. He still always complained when Jean stuck his cold hands or feet on him until they warmed up though.

Jean had a day free of classes and his part-time job and Eren was off of work too. A day like that was a rare treasure but they didn’t do anything special. Eren lounged on their beat up old couch with a bowl of ramen noodles while he watched Jean paint.

“Shit.” Jean cursed, stepping back from his painting. “I messed up.”

“No, you didn’t.” Eren replied, grinning cheekily. “You didn’t make a mistake, just a happy accident.”

Jean sighed, giving Eren an exasperated look. “Are you quoting Bob Ross to me?”

“Make it a happy tree or a bird.” Eren suggested, setting his noodles aside and leaning over the edge of the couch to see Jean’s work better. The thick drop of black paint running down the canvas really did throw off the otherwise beautiful scenery. “Nevermind, you fucked up.”

Jean scowled at him, coming at him with the paintbrush. “Oh yeah? Come here.”

“No!” Eren cried, jumping from the couch and running as Jean chased him around with the paint brush until he had a squirmy Eren pinned beneath him on their bed. Jean shoved Eren’s shirt up and set to work on painting Eren’s stomach, the tickling feeling of the brush making Eren squirm harder and laugh until there were tears in his eyes.

Jean sat back, inspecting his work. It wasn’t the neatest with all Eren’s wiggling but it was still legible. He had that soft, affectionate look on his face that he had whenever Eren did something particularly cute so Eren looked down. The words were upside down but unmistakable.

“I love you” was written on his skin.

Eren made a choked noise, trying not to cry. He met Jean’s eyes and reached out to pull him in for a kiss. “You are so, so gay.” Eren whispered before touching his lips to Jean’s, kissing him until they were both breathless and the paintbrush was long forgotten in the sheets. “I love you too.” He finally gasped before Jean’s lips captured his again. They spent the rest of the day in bed and maybe thoroughly wrecked the sheets between the forgotten paint brush and the other activities.

————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost my inspiration half way through this so... *shrug* 
> 
> That’s all folks.


End file.
